The Big Wait - AKA The Two Week Wait

I quickly realized that the wait is the hardest part. I started analyzing everything I did.

Am I extra tired today? Should I have that second cup of coffee? Am I a bad parent if I still drink wine with dinner?


McLovin starting asking me what the Zygote wanted for dinner. He also informed me that 10 glasses of OJ have the same alcohol content as a single beer. Not that I even drink that much OJ but it showed that he was on-board and trying to be a team player.

Unfortunately he also became the Gestapo of Sunday morning breakfast when he informed me that I could no longer eat fried eggs over potatoes because runny yokes are bad for the baby.

I almost punched him the night he cracked open an icy cold beer for himself and happily placed an icy cold seltzer in front of me. He seemed surprised that I didn’t gush with warm and fuzzy feelings at this show of comradely with my growing Zygote. (A Zygote that was a fairy tale at this point in time.)

I was truly happy to have a husband who cared so much but I also hated watching the laundry list of forbidden things grow.


As my normal flow date got nearer I started to get my normal PMS symptoms… or were they? I was tired… but work had been stressful and I had been working extra hours. My boobs hurt… but they always hurt before my period. I felt nauseous but could that be from trying to analyze my bodies “symptoms”.


I must have read every “early pregnancy symptoms” article on the web. One day I would be totally convinced we were pregnant, and the next totally convinced I wasn’t. I know so much about implantation bleeding I could write a thesis on the subject.


Just for fun let’s go over a few early symptoms of Pregnancy:


1. Sore Boobs…
2. Fatigue…
3. Nausea…
4. Frequent trips to the potty…
5. Headaches…
6. Cramping…
7. Cravings for food…
8. Constipation and Bloating
9. Mood Swings…
10. Elevated Basal Body Temperature…

11. Spidey Smell
12. Missing Period…


And here is a list of a few PMS Symptoms…

1.  Sore Boobs...

2.  Fatigue…

3.  Nausea…

4.  Headaches…

5.  Cramping…

6.  Cravings for food…

7.  Bloating...

8.  Mood Swings…


Look familiar?

Now that we have been TTC for over a year I just laugh at what a freak I was when we were first trying. One year plus a few months later, if my period actually did go missing I would probably pass out in shock. 

In The Beginning

It was a Tuesday night and I was laying in bed giggling like an idiot with my feet in the air touching the wall. No, this is not a new sex position. No, this is not a new exercise move… This is the position recommended to me by a friend who recently got pregnant.

She swore after sex you lay with your feet over your head touching the wall and viola… baby.

While laying in the bed with my feet touching the wall in some kind of Zen-like yoga move I’m wondering… Oh my God… What did we just do! Am I ready to have a baby?

The whole thing started with the normal baby talk…

Do we want to have a baby?
Are we ready for a baby?
Would having a baby in this condo be ok or should we get a house first?
What are the pros to having a baby?
What are the cons to having a baby?
What will we do about our work schedules with a baby?
Do we think day care is ok for the baby?

Usually by this point I get so stressed out that I stop the conversation in its tracks and we move on until the next baby conversation starts.

 I starting lamenting that we are not one of those couples who wakes up one morning and wonders where her period is before realizing… Holy Crap… We’re pregnant.

My husband had the perfect solution. If our NHL team wins, we try to have a baby… If they lose we wait. Let the universe decide if we should start trying.

They won… We each took a shot of vodka toasting to fertility and 45 min later I looked like I was in training to be a pretzel. This is when the panic starts to set in.

I have spent the better part of my life trying NOT to get pregnant. I’m not talking about a casual approach to not getting pregnant either. I basically constructed the equivalent of the US Marine Corps in my uterus. Also known as UMSD (Uterus Marines Special Division). Operation Stork had been going strong many years and hadn’t failed me yet.

I never even had a “scare”. Many of my friends thought I took the “not getting pregnant” overboard. Especially once McLovin and I got married. But 99.9% effective isn’t 100% and why take that .01% risk?

We used birth control, condoms with spermacide, and avoided doing the deed on the big money days. None of those bastards where getting into my Uterus and finding a viable egg.

We decided to let the “birth control pill” part of the UMSD defense system go once the “baby” conversations started, but other then that my UMSD system was still in full effect.

So this time we did it bare back with NO safety net and it was scary as hell. At least it was to me. Now we just had to wait and see if anything would stick.