Friday, December 23, 2011


Me: reading the bumper sticker off a car in front of us. "Keep Christ in Christmas"

McLovin: I agree... It's a Christmas Tree not a Holiday Tree. Get it right.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure they mean Christ. As in little baby Jesus Christ.

McLovin: No, That can't be right. Everyone knows about baby Jesus Christ... They must be talking about the tree...

Me: There is a picture of a manger on the sticker... It's not about the tree. The tree has nothing to do with Jesus.

McLovin: Exactly... That's why it's called a Christmas Tree and not a Jesus Tree...

Me: .........

McLovin: Judging by your silence I can tell you agree.

PS - This morning I saw McLovin practicing handing someone a gift... He would pick up the gift. Extend his arm and say Merry Christmas. Put the gift back down and look at it. Pick it up again. Extend his arm and say Merry Christmas. Living with him is like living with an alien who is trying to understand human interaction. I think I might start secretly filming him. There has to be a documentary in his Pod behavior. Am I right?

So, Happy Holidays! Merry Festivus, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, or whatever else you celebrate! Have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Friday, December 16, 2011


IMs with Queen B.


Queen B -  2:00 pm:    
btw, did I ever tell u that u remind me of the girl in Twilight. haha

 Me -  2:00 pm:     
What??? Why?

Queen B  - 2:00 pm:     
Not looks wise  but her personality.  haha

Me -  2:01 pm: 
OMG.  It's the worst acting ever... and now your saying my normal personality is like badly acted teenage angst? Fuck My Life

Queen B -  2:01 pm:  
Dude, I'm saying she's extremely laid back & nonchalant in the movie.

Me -  2:02 pm:  
Well, I think I only saw it once and I was so horrified by the tween love I couldn't concentrate. What brought that up? Are you watching it now or something?

Queen B 2:02 pm -  
haha I got the bootleg of the newest one.

Me -  2:03 pm:  
The one where she's pregnant?

Queen B 2:03 pm -    

Me -  2:03 pm:  
I heard that movie sucked more than all the others combined

Queen B - 2:04 pm:  
It was ok. Not my fav,  but I only paid $5 for the bootleg.

Me -  2:04 pm:  
You bought the bootleg? From who? I don't think I have ever been presented with a bootleg movie to buy

Queen B -  2:05 pm: 
This Asian guy. My work BFF buys movies from him all the time, so now he stops by with his collection for me. haha

Me -  2:06 pm:  
And where did the Asian guy come from? Does he work there? The streets?  Your office building boggles my mind... It's like that time the hooker got arrested pressed against your window.

Queen B  - 2:06 pm:  
Well,  my work BFF also has a 2nd job at a parking garage around the corner.
He works nights so that's how he met the Asian guy & got his phone #. So I told him to call the guy to see if he had Breaking Dawn  & my work BFF went over to the garage & bought it for me

Me -  2:08 pm:  
Seriously? That is the shadiest thing I have heard in awhile.

Queen B  - 2:08 pm:  

Me -  2:08 pm:  
Well good job dick.

Queen B -  2:08 pm:  
I am awesome

Me -  2:08 pm:  
Just try not to get arrested or shot in your crazy office.

Queen B  - 2:08 pm:  
Do you wanna borrow it?  I can drop it off on my way home

Me -  2:08 pm:  
No,  I'm good. I only saw the first movie and that was enough.

Queen B  - 2:09 pm:  
I have all of them. I can drop off the whole series & u can have a marathon over the weekend.

 Me -  2:09 pm: 
I can't even watch the harry potter movies and they are about a billion times better produced then the twilight saga... Better storyline, better actors, better everything. 

Queen B  - 2:09 pm: 
How about I drop off all the movies & u just give them a chance.

Me -  2:10 pm: 
The twilight books weren't that good... so I doubt very much the movies are spectacular. PLUS, all those fucking actors and actresses are weird looking

Queen B -  2:10 pm:  
You have to watch from the first to the last in their entirety. Give them a chance asshole.

Me -  2:10 pm:  
I feel like the whole world is sniffing glue.

Queen B  - 2:10 pm
Can I drop them off to you?

Me -  2:10 pm:  
How is Robert Patterson a heartthrob? How? Riddle me that.

Queen B  - 2:11 pm: 
He's not too good looking, but I guess it's his role. Idk.  I don't get it, but chicks love him.

Me -  2:11 pm: 
His fucking head is weird looking... there is something fucked up about his face.  And no one seems to notice. The little wolf boy isn't much better... his face is all squished in

Queen B  - 2:12 pm:  
Dude I'm not looking at his face his body is sick

Me -  2:12 pm: 
I guess cause he never wears a shirt no one notices his face...

Queen B -  2:12 pm: 
You hardly see his body in this new one just real quick in the beginning.

Me -  2:12 pm:  
PLUS, has it just missed everyone that the movie is glorifying stalking and pedophilia?
Isn't the vampire dude like 100 and he wants to bone a teenager? That's statutory rape!

Queen B -  2:14 pm: 
True love has no age limit dick.

Me -  2:15 pm: 
Really? so you're gonna defend when the wolf boy falls in love with the newborn infant cause its "true love"?     That is some sick and twisted shit right there. I think that author Stephanie whoever has some serious daddy issues.

Queen B  - 2:18 pm:  
Dude he imprinted on her, he can't help it. I am def dropping off the movies.  You are watching them  before you judge

Me -  2:18 pm:  
I read the books dick, I know what happens

Queen B  - 2:18 pm:  
You can't just watch parts of the 1st movie & criticize them that's your assignment for this weekend

Me -  2:18 pm: 
So you're saying these movies have good acting?

Queen B  - 2:19 pm:  
Not the best...but i love them.  the girl is prob the worst one out of all the actors

Me -  2:19 pm: 
And that there aren't any majorly disturbing flaws with the story line?

Queen B  - 2:19 pm:  
But as long as you know that going into it, you'll be fine. That's why it's a MOVIE asshole! It's fake!

Me -  2:20 pm: 
Right its a fake movie brainwashing tweens into wanting to have sex with 100 year old men who stalk them. And that it is OK if your BFF falls in love with your 16 and pregnant baby because its fate motherfucker!

Queen B  - 2:20 pm:  
Dude, just tell me u will watch them.

Me 2:21 pm - 
Uggggg fine. But i'm doing it under protest.


Hopefully your plans are more productive than mine!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


So I can't be the only one that has noticed Christmas creeping into our stores earlier and earlier during the year... It has gotten to the point that Thanksgiving is almost a non-holiday.

Honestly Thanksgiving needs to revamp their PR. There is only so much positive marketing that can be done around a holiday that is based on the mass slaughter of delicious turkeys. Plus you have the whole Pilgrim / American Indian storyline that has gone from happy little meet and greet to attempted genocide of an entire race of people.

So for the past couple of years I have really felt bad for Thanksgiving... I sort of felt like Big Brother Christmas was getting all greedy for the attention. As if Christmas is the only holiday.

Over the weekend I stumbled upon some intel that leads me to believe Thanksgiving might be to blame for its own demise.  I know... hard to believe... But, put your helmets on and prepare to be shell shocked.

Whilst decorating the Christmas tree (The whole tree thank you, not "half tree"... McLovin tries to push for "half tree" every year which involves only putting up Christmas balls... and then the tree just looks naked and sad.) we were listening to Christmas music and I was shocked to hear a bunch of references to pumpkin pie... Which in my world is a fall / Thanksgiving treat... It is NOT a tasty Christmas treat... Christmas treats are gingerbread men, peppermint bark, press cookies, shit like that... Pumpkins do not play a part in winter time holiday festivities.

And I am talking classic Christmas toons too...

1. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - "Rocking around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring. Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie, and we’ll do some caroling."

2. Sleigh Ride - "There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy when they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie."

And perhaps most shocking of all

3. There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays - "I met a man who lives in Tennessee, and he was headin’ forPennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie . . ."

I will give you a moment to get your shock under control...

Do you realize what this means????

Thanksgiving started the holiday wars! It fired the first shot heard round the yule log! And Thanksgiving didn't mess around either... It went right for the Holiday songs... Which means it went right for the celebrity endorsement... How can you not have pumpkin pie during Christmas when you have Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra telling you to take the plunge! It is unbelievable...

So of course Christmas had to fight back... and since the Singers and Crooners were all about Thanksgiving's pumpkin pie Christmas went after the retailers. And that's when Christmas started moving in on Thanksgiving's turf. It started off sneaky with Black Friday being right after Thanksgiving... and of course with the internet you get Cyber Monday too. But these days the retailers don't seem to give a rats ass about Thanksgiving at all. I saw Christmas stuff up during Halloween.

And I know what you thinking... What did Halloween do to deserve the shaft...???

Well let me tell you, Halloween did plenty. Do I need to remind you of a little gem Tim Burton wrote titled "The Nightmare Before Christmas"? Do you remember Santa getting kidnapped and tortured by Mr. Oogie Boogie Man? If that wasn't a thinly veiled threat to Christmas by the Hollywood elite I don't know what is. 

Seriously do you need more proof then this?

And we all know Halloween got paid off by Thanksgiving. Both holiday's take place in the fall... Singers are closely associated with Hollywood. The writing is on the wall people!

The Holiday Wars involving Christmas shitting on all the other holidays was instigated by Thanksgiving! End of story. We don't have to like it or support it. Lord knows seeing Christmas stockings for sale while buying Halloween candy makes my head want to explode. But at least now we know who started it!