Tuesday, December 13, 2011


So I can't be the only one that has noticed Christmas creeping into our stores earlier and earlier during the year... It has gotten to the point that Thanksgiving is almost a non-holiday.

Honestly Thanksgiving needs to revamp their PR. There is only so much positive marketing that can be done around a holiday that is based on the mass slaughter of delicious turkeys. Plus you have the whole Pilgrim / American Indian storyline that has gone from happy little meet and greet to attempted genocide of an entire race of people.

So for the past couple of years I have really felt bad for Thanksgiving... I sort of felt like Big Brother Christmas was getting all greedy for the attention. As if Christmas is the only holiday.

Over the weekend I stumbled upon some intel that leads me to believe Thanksgiving might be to blame for its own demise.  I know... hard to believe... But, put your helmets on and prepare to be shell shocked.

Whilst decorating the Christmas tree (The whole tree thank you, not "half tree"... McLovin tries to push for "half tree" every year which involves only putting up Christmas balls... and then the tree just looks naked and sad.) we were listening to Christmas music and I was shocked to hear a bunch of references to pumpkin pie... Which in my world is a fall / Thanksgiving treat... It is NOT a tasty Christmas treat... Christmas treats are gingerbread men, peppermint bark, press cookies, shit like that... Pumpkins do not play a part in winter time holiday festivities.

And I am talking classic Christmas toons too...

1. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - "Rocking around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring. Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie, and we’ll do some caroling."

2. Sleigh Ride - "There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy when they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie."

And perhaps most shocking of all

3. There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays - "I met a man who lives in Tennessee, and he was headin’ forPennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie . . ."

I will give you a moment to get your shock under control...

Do you realize what this means????

Thanksgiving started the holiday wars! It fired the first shot heard round the yule log! And Thanksgiving didn't mess around either... It went right for the Holiday songs... Which means it went right for the celebrity endorsement... How can you not have pumpkin pie during Christmas when you have Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra telling you to take the plunge! It is unbelievable...

So of course Christmas had to fight back... and since the Singers and Crooners were all about Thanksgiving's pumpkin pie Christmas went after the retailers. And that's when Christmas started moving in on Thanksgiving's turf. It started off sneaky with Black Friday being right after Thanksgiving... and of course with the internet you get Cyber Monday too. But these days the retailers don't seem to give a rats ass about Thanksgiving at all. I saw Christmas stuff up during Halloween.

And I know what you thinking... What did Halloween do to deserve the shaft...???

Well let me tell you, Halloween did plenty. Do I need to remind you of a little gem Tim Burton wrote titled "The Nightmare Before Christmas"? Do you remember Santa getting kidnapped and tortured by Mr. Oogie Boogie Man? If that wasn't a thinly veiled threat to Christmas by the Hollywood elite I don't know what is. 

Seriously do you need more proof then this?

And we all know Halloween got paid off by Thanksgiving. Both holiday's take place in the fall... Singers are closely associated with Hollywood. The writing is on the wall people!

The Holiday Wars involving Christmas shitting on all the other holidays was instigated by Thanksgiving! End of story. We don't have to like it or support it. Lord knows seeing Christmas stockings for sale while buying Halloween candy makes my head want to explode. But at least now we know who started it!

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