Monday, October 31, 2011


GHOST HUNTERS            

Have you ever seen that show Ghost Hunters? 

It's on the Syfy network. Basically two main guys, Jay and Grant,  and their team go to "haunted" places looking for proof of Ghosts... The try to catch things on film and audio on tapes to bring back to the people who called for their "help."

Sometimes there is creepy stuff... but usually it is just them walking around in the dark after "weird noises".... They do a flashlight trick where they have the "ghost" turn the flashlight on and off to answer questions... 

If McLovin and I happen to catch the show we like to spend the time discussing what we would do if we were Ghost Hunters... And we have determined that we would probably get kicked off the show.

Because honestly the show is just a lame under budget version of Ghostbusters... Probably one of the greatest movies ever made. But don't fall alseep to the DVD... the theme song plays on repeat and that shit gets annoying!

So Below are the top Ten thing we would steal from Ghostbusters to get kicked off the Ghost Hunters Show:

1. humming the Ghostbusters theme song into the vents so the sound carries throughout the building being investigated...  There is debate on whether we would end the tune with Ghostbusters or Ghost Hunters... Since both are the same number of syllables and conveniently start with Ghost. 

2. When they do their little flashlight trick saying "Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance."

3. Saying: OK, who brought the dog? Before slamming into a wall and wailing in terror.
(Apparently they have now added a dog to the team... cause you know, dog's are better at picking up on paranormal shit. It would also be imperative to slam into a wall in terror EVERY time we saw the dog.)

5. After spotting a suspicious "shadow":  "What we have here is what we call a non-repeating phantasm, or a class-5 free roaming vapor" (cause when you are wondering around a dark building at night with flashlights and a camera crew the last thing you are going to see is weird shadows)

6. Claiming to have seen a cockroach big enough to "bite your head off."

7. Blowing our noses in petri dishes and handing them in as evidence of paranormal activity.

8. Running around tasering the rest of the "team" and claiming to be "studying the effect on negative reinforcement on ESP ability."  

9. Splashing each other with a glass of water and writhing around on the floor yelling that we've been slimed.

10. Throwing lit marshmallows at people's heads while screaming "The Destructor COOOOOOMES!"

Personally, I think the Ghost Hunters show has gotten a little stale and these kinds of antics would at least distract the viewers from the fact that you are basically watching middle-aged adults wander around buildings after the sound of footsteps for an hour.

So, Happy Halloweeny everyone!

And remember.... If someone asks you if you're a God, you Say YES!

Friday, October 21, 2011


txts with McLovin
What do you want for dinner? Meatloaf of meatballs?


Oh yeah, I'm gonna stick my balls in your mouth

You skipped warming up the oven and went straight for hitting me in the face with a salami. Nice.

Pervy jokes are warming up the oven. That's as close to dirty talk as I am going to get

Me too. I think I would hurt myself laughing if I tried to talk about your throbbing member with a straight face.

I'd have to take my glasses off for dirty talk. That's serious business.

See I'm already giggling like a little idiot.

I can't wait to see you...

Seriously Stop. People at work are looking at me.

It's because they know you're in for the ride of your life.
The scrambler.

The scrambler? really? Not the Zipper?

The Zipper is too obvious.

So I guess being a Snake Charmer is out.

No but you could be a sword swallower.

Wait... Are we really using carnies in our dirty talk?

It always comes back to the carnies.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Remember how I wrote about the IUI... Well we got the results. and.... drumroll

We're Pregnant!

I know I should have told you sooner... But I have been feeling very guilty about it.

We are super excited. It doesn't even feel real. Especially when you have a lab calling to tell you the good news in a monotone voice. I felt a little James Bond-ish getting a secret message. Plus, I'm afraid to pee on the magic stick and find out this is all a cosmic joke. So That's where we are with that.

I feel guilty because I know there are so many people out there still struggling to get a BFP and now I feel like I am abandoning everyone. I'm not even sure what to do with the blog. I have been writing about infertility and other random things to make people laugh while dealing with the limbo of trying to get pregnant. Now I feel like a trader. I don't want to be on here talking about the pregnancy and depressing people.

So I don't know what to do. I am open to suggestions. I can continue to write random, hopefully funny, crap to amuse the masses. Or I can jump off a bridge for being a no good trader.

I do want to say thank you to all the people who have been reading my blog and leaving comments. I really have appreciated  all of you and it helped me to think I was making people laugh through a fucked up situation.

I know I haven't been good about responding to comments. I always want to, but then I feel weird. I'm a shy person in the real world and apparently that has spilled into the cyber world too. I can write my thoughts and have them out there but interact with other people online? Eeeek. Which is pretty stupid if you think about it.


Also, on a completely different topic... The rain date for the Rapture which was originally scheduled for May 21 is this Friday, October 21. I'm not sure on the time. It seems like the campaign to save our dirty souls fizzled out when the last date was a bust. So I will estimate the time to be the same: 6pm EST. Please click this link for Zombie survival tips.

Or Click Here to learn how to wash away your sins and earn a golden ticket to the pearly gates.

It would be just my luck for biblical shit to get real now that I'm pregnant. Will the cosmic jokes never end? FU Mother Nature!        

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I Think Betty White is my new Hero!

I never thought of it this way, but you know what... She's right.
Guy's are a bunch of wusses.
Hell hath no fury like an angry growler!