Monday, August 22, 2011


OK peeps.

I was raised Catholic. I'm not sure why but it turns out a lot of Christians don't like Catholics... Something about us not worshiping properly or being all Holier than thou... idk... to be honest I'm not a very good Catholic. In fact I "converted" to not really worshiping at all in an organised setting. Which obviously makes me a bad Catholic/Christian and a dirty sinner. Plus, my marriage isn't recognized by the church since it wasn't on sanctioned ground so McLovin and I have been bonking our way to the fiery gates of hell for awhile now.

But Folks.... if you, like I, are headed straight to eternal damnation fear not... I have stumbled upon salvation for us all! And no worries, I'm not gonna get all Bible Thumpy on you :)

Unfortunately, if you are super religious this news might shock you.... Please turn away now. 

OK.... Are you ready for your pants to be knocked off  through the power of Jesus????


That's right... We can ALL get into Heaven! But seriously you guys, we need to keep this intel on the down low or every asshole in the universe will make it into heaven and that would be a buzzkill! 

This news is brought to us by a "friend" on facebook! Who would have thought social media could save our souls?

Apparently over the weekend this "friends" Mom baptized her husband who then baptized her... So now they are all saved....

Now I always thought you needed to go to a professional to wash away your sin and that you could only get washed and rinsed into purity once in your life. So really isn't it wasted on a baby who's only real sin at that point is "original sin", thanks Eve you gullible temptress. But it turns out God has secretly licensed us all to save everyone and you can do it whenever your feeling frisky!

Now I haven't gotten all the details yet but I think all you need is a little water and you should be all set. In fact every time you take a shower your sort of  performing a religious miracle. Cleanliness really is next to godliness... who knew?

Looks like I just saved you all from an eternity of damnation.... You're Welcome. 

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