This Is Why Girls Don't Plan Bachelor Parties.

Queen B - OK so listen to this...

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Me - Whats up?

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Queen B - So J is trying to plan B's bachelor party & of course it's gonna involve strippers

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Me - Right... Obviously

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Queen B - He was saying that he wants to go somewhere that serves food & has dancers so that if someone wants to get a lap dance, they can do it at their leisure instead of having girls hawking you for dollars. So I thought of this place right near my work XX. Have you heard of it?

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Me - No dick... I don't hang out in strip clubs.... Ass.

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Queen B - It's a steakhouse/"upscale" gentleman's club but they serve alcohol so the girls can't be nude
just real skimpy so here's my thing... J wants me to find out about the steakhouse b/c I know the owner
but if C finds out that I'm basically hooking them up, she'll probably wanna shank me.

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Me - Why? She knows there will be strippers right? If she freaks be like:

Listen bitch.. the strippers... They're happening... so put your big girl pants on and fucking relax. 

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Queen B - Her stipulations were no hotel room with strippers & no private room at a strip club she said she's ok w/ them going to a strip club.

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Me - Right so they are getting dinner and a show. I mean the worse that could happen would be pubes in their steak sauce, but that shit is on them... I have no sympathy

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Queen B - My thing is, I'm trying to see if you get to see boobies while you eat b/c if not, it'll suck, but how do I ask that?

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Me - Just call and say I want dinner and a show... not a bathing suit show... I would watch the miss america pageant for that shit... Will we see tits or should we keep looking?

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Queen B - Well first off, I know they don't show bare tits b/c they sell alcohol but they can wear thongs.

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Me - Why does alcohol = no bare tits?

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Queen B - It's a law dick.

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Me - Bare Tits = no drinks? Well, that's a shitty law. What is america coming to? I don't want to live in a world where I can't enjoy boobies with my bottle of Bud.

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Queen B - It's seriously a law.

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Me - I thought they just needed to keep their pants on.

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Queen B - No i think tops too.

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Me - If there is beer then there is no beaver... I'm pretty sure about that. But the no beaver rule I can get behind because its just unhygienic to be dancing around with that out. I thought the boobs were always on the table though... even with alcohol.

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Queen B - Maybe they are, who knows.

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Me - Well if they aren't we need to write to our congressmen and get that law changed asap. Boobies make everything better. I'm sure you agree.

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Queen B - True.

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15 minutes later...

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Me - So did you call? What did they say?

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Queen B - I can't. You call for me.

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Me - Why the fuck would I call to check on the naked booby situation for you husbands friends bachelor party? So a bunch of dudes can eat steak and bust a nut!?!? You must have lost your mind......... 

I'll check with McLovin.

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Queen B - What did he say???

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Me - He asked why we were interested...

Then said to check the club's website and called us amateurs.

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Queen B - No Bare Boobs - BAM - McLovin is a genius. That saved time.

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Me - Next time tell J to plan his own shit. We've wasted 45 minutes on this... That's a whole lotta time for me to spend trying to figure out the stripper laws of this state.