Hey Y'All

I recently came across this photo... Two things...

#1 Is it me or do Paul Deen's shoulders look too small to be supporting her head??? Like a bobble-head.  Bobble-heads are both charming and delightful but human bobble-heads are creepy. I'm scared her neck is gonna snap.

Hey Y'All today we're gonna cook some frog legs in a stick of butter!

#2 Why does Paula Dean remind me of Miss Piggy??? Is it her eyes??? Or is it because I always envisioned Miss Piggy living in the south? Either way it is very odd. It's like God was inspired by Jim Henson when he created Paula. Something about the eyes. Lifeless eyes, like a muppet's eyes.

BONUS THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure Katy Perry & Zooey Deschanel are the same person...

Katy is the naughty yin to Zooey's wholesome yang.

Wiggles

Txts with McLovin...

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Me - Hey.... have you heard about these Wiggles? They have a song where they sing about the days of the week and Thursday is bratwurst day... I'm pretty sure the Wiggles jumped the shark on that one...

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McLovin - You should be embracing that day. It's practically German Day.

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Me - Right but Monday was Muffins. Tuesday was Tacos. and Wednesday was Watermelon. There is a theme. Then they get to Thursday and throw out Bratwurst. How are kids supposed to learn when they are doing shit like that???

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McLovin - If the rest of the days follow the theme and only Thursday stands out then the Wiggles are telling you something... and not very subtlety.

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Me - Well I will keep you posted. Rest assured I am looking into this situation.

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Me - Fish Friday. Saturday is Sultana Day... Whatever the fuck THAT is. And Sunday is Sandwich Day... Bit of a lame finish if you ask me.

So Thursday was the only day that didn't match the food / day starting with the same letter.

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McLovin - You know what that means don't you?

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Me - That the Wiggles are slackers because they couldn't come up with another T food besides Taco Tuesdays.

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McLovin -  Nope, Bratwurst is code for penis... So that probably means you should bang me tonight.

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Me - Wow... I walked right into that one.

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McLovin - Just Sayin...

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PS - Sultana is a grape... I know, I had to look that shit up too. I don't know who is walking around calling green grapes Sultanas but I guarantee they are insufferable know-it-alls. I mean these Wiggles don't even get the days of the week in the right order (Sunday is the FIRST day of the week assholes!) but they want to call a green grape a sultana because that's it's proper "name".

Of course I just looked it up and there seems to be some confusion about the first day of the week. According to the international standard ISO 8601, Monday shall be the first day of the week ending with Sunday as the seventh day of the week.

So there's that... My whole life is lies.
I have to go call my parents now and make sure I wasn't adopted.

The Trouble with Pants

Txts with McLovin...
approx 10:30 this morning.

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McLovin - Soooo my zipper just fell off.

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Me - Your pants zipper?

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McLovin - Yeah... off. I'm flapping in the breeze over here.

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Me - Do you have access to double stick tape? Worse case you could maybe use a stapler, but then you would need to go into the bathroom with a stapler...

 So if you hid it in your pocket people would think you had a huge rod and were going to whack off... but if you just saunter in with the stapler exposed people with think your whacking off to office supplies....

Pop Quiz hot shot... what kind of office pervert do you want to be?

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McLovin - Seriously this is a problem... my rig just failed.

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Me - What was your rig?

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McLovin - No stapler access... My rig was just a random paper clip. I need to find an old used staple to help this rig out.

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Me - OK no stapler... Do you have tape?

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McLovin - No tape either... I've found a paper clip and an old staple. Those are in use but highly unstable.

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Me - Can you reinforce it with the sticky part of a sticky pad?

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McLovin - Are you fucking with me?!?!?

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Me - No! It could work. I have faith in your Macgyver abilities.

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McLovin - Post it stick is terrible. It wouldn't trap a gimp gnat.

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Me - I have seen something similar done with Velcro but I am going to assume you don't have access to that since you can't even be trusted with  a stapler.

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McLovin - Velcro???? Really???? That's your big suggestion.

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Me - I have seen Velcro used with much success. OK... Do you have glue?

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McLovin - Seriously???? I don't work in a fucking art school. I work at a "paperless" company whose office supplies are kept at the front desk with a receptionist.

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Me - Listen, we aren't going to solve this problem with negativity.

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McLovin -At my desk I have... a tack, a pen, a tablet, my PC, my Laptop, a Water, a Coffee, and three hanging Alligator Clips with giant spikes... and before you ask I am not messing with those and my crotch.

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Me - OK that's not much to work with. My best suggestion is for you to walk around with something suspiciously covering your crotch region then go out to "lunch" and hall ass to the nearest Target to buy new pants or a stapler. Your call there... I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.

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McLovin -After my meeting I'm going to "lunch". Do you know how many times I've had to purchase pants while at lunch??? Twice... That's two times too many.

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Me - Twice including today or twice total???

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McLovin - Plus I have had to replace shoes and socks (twice), a belt (once) and a shirt (once)

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Me - WTF are you doing at work? You work in an office for Christ's sake!

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McLovin - No one should have that many wardrobe changes in the parking lot of a strip mall.

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Me - Not unless your a prostitute... Are you turning tricks on the side?

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McLovin - I'm glad you find this amusing.