The Elf That Lived...

After only 15 days on duty... Buddy the Elf decided he could take no more...*

Me: Dude... is watching your royal children such a harrowing experience your elf decided to off himself???

Queen B: He is holding on with his hands, asshole!

Me: Well he looks suicidal to me. 

Queen B: You would think that dickhead.

Me: On his first day "Buddy" the Elf was sitting next to a bottle of liqueur... This isn't a G rated elf we are talking about. Next he'll be holding an overcoat open at the window.

Queen B: Or banging Barbie.

Me: True... Do you have Barbies in your house? They better hide! Buddy will be all "Let me dry hump you or the kids don't get Christmas you slutty whore! I'm gonna smack you in the mouth with my candy cane of love!"

Queen B: No we don't.

Me: Oh.... Well, crisis averted then. Christmas is saved!.

*No Elves or Barbies were harmed in the making of this post...