Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Are You The Keymaster???

Queen B: Dude, do we know what time the world is supposed to be ending on Friday?

Me: Why? Are you freaked out by that?

Queen B: No but I need to have some sex before the World ends just in case.

Me: Oh, well you should bang before Friday morning.

Queen B: OK Thanks.

Me: Somewhere it will be 12/21/12 before us.

Queen B: Right

Me: Who the fuck knows what time zone the Mayans were basing their calendar on.

Queen  B: Yeah true, fucking Mayans.

Me: You think they would throw us a bone and give us a time... and what if they are one day off on their prediction??? It's Thursday afternoon and the world explodes out of the blue?

Queen B: Yeah or Saturday. Friday passes and we all think fucking asshole Mayans... full of shit... everyone is relieved and then FUCK the planet explodes...

Me: Right and we'll all be sitting in line to get judged at the gates going... fucking Mayan assholes... Couldn't even get a date right. Because you know there will be a line to get in... everyone dies at once... it's gonna be a disaster...

Saint Peter is gonna be all... "Sorry this is my lunch break" there will be rioting in limbo...
Do you think that gets held against you???

Queen B: Do I think we really get judged you mean?

Me: No, Saint Peter is up there according to the bible right? Being all judgy judgy about what you did with your life and being Mr. Cool Boy Bouncer to Club God

Queen B: Ok

Me: So he has his little book with all your dirty secrets of what you did on earth...

Queen B: Wait... I always thought God had the book himself...

Me: No dude, Saint Peter is the gate keeper.

Queen B: Is that a Catholic thing? Because I don't remember that.

Me: I thought it was bible thing... It was written so saith the Lord...

“Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on
earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

-Matthew 16:17-19 (NIV)

^ ^ ^
Peter holds the keys to heaven...

Queen B: Geez, all this time I've been praying to the wrong guy...

Me: So anyway... If there is a wait to get in and your already dead, can you screw around while you wait and it won't count against you?

Queen B: I don't think you'll be thinking about screwing up when you're waiting to see if you're going to heaven or hell asshole. I would think you'd try to be on your best behavior. You better be standing there singing Kumbaya on repeat.

Me: True... Well, either way, you should bone down on Wednesday night just to be safe... That is my professional opinion. Kumbaya Motherfucker!

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