Floor Food

Me: I might or might not have just fed the baby floor banana

McLovin: Floor bananas can kill. Google it.

Me: You are crazy.

McLovin: Am I? Am I just imagining the rampant food poisoning cases from "floor food"?

Me: Have I food poisoned you yet with floor food?

McLovin:  Yes Probably...

Me: Cause I've go to be honest... You have eaten more floor food than you know.

McLovin:  Ummmmmm What? What was that?

Me: After the whole cookie incident I thought it would be better not to tell you if something happened to make contact with the floor before being introduced to your mouth. So.... There's that.

McLovin:  I don't really know what to say about this... This whole time I thought we were the normal house on the block... Low and behold we are just as dysfunctional as the rest... even worse actually... You've been trying to poison me with floor dirt and goo and microbial nasties.

Me: Really? Our whole marriage is a lie because I might have fed you food off the floor? I can assure you, if I wanted to poison you I would pick a more tried and true method...

McLovin: ....

Me: Because I get shit done.