I don't know what is going on in the world but let's all just agree to wack off and/or rub the nub in private... yes??? I never knew this was something that really needed to be explained but you learn something new everyday...
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CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS...
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Kay - I your opinion.
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Me: OK. What’s up
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Kay - I caught my husband looking at porn last night…
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Me: ok
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Queen B - HAHA
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Kay -We were in bed and I was asleep
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Me: Wait…
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Queen B: He was looking at it while u where next to him asleep!?!?!?
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Me: Well, isn't he ballsy
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Kay - I know right!?!?!?
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Queen B: So… Was he wacking off too?
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Kay: I’m pretty sure he was! I was sleeping but then I think I moved and could feel him under the sheets and then I heard him watching something…
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Queen B - Soooooooo… does he know u caught him?
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Kay: Not last night. I was too annoyed and tired… So I said something to him a little while ago and of course he's denying it…
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Me – Like you just imagined him watching porn and spanking it IN THE FUCKING BED!?!?!?
--
Kay - So, this morning I checked his phone and the dumb ass left it in the history! There were 4 different sites! Fucking Idiot!
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Me - Tonight you should have a dildo going under the sheet when he comes to bed and say… “Oh I thought this was a thing we’re doing now…. Just diddling in the open.”
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Kay - I'm just in a fragile state of mind since I’m pregnant… and I'm pissed that I was laying right there asleep! Should I say something?
--
Queen B - You should tell him it’s a little awkward to wake up with him rubbing one out next to you and your unborn child in the bed…
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Kay- So would you tell your husband’s you checked his phone???
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Me: - I think I would have to tell him to make a mental note to JUST USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM LIKE A CLASSY MOTHER FUCKER next time he feels like buffing the banana !!!!
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Kay - It’s just weird! Right! Good lord what an ass… Do it in the shower before work! I mean come on!
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Queen B - What did he do when he came? Did he do it in a sock or something? On the sheets?
--
Kay - I don't think he did… I think I woke up and he realized it and, ooops, he got a softy. So I gave him blue balls.
--
Me – Well, if he is looking at porn and not completing the act, we have a whole other set of problems to deal with because that shit isn't natural…
--
Queen B - So do you guys wanna hear something weird?
--
Me - Seriously? Weirder then Kay catching her husband jerking off in bed???
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Queen B – Big J has whacked off next to me & felt my boobs while I was sleeping!
--
Me – Wait… What The Fuck!?!?!?
--
Queen B - Apparently, he said he tried to get some but I was out cold… I was all groggy and fell back to sleep…
--
Me – What is going on in the world... Am I the only one NOT having weird shit happen in my sleep!!!!
--
Queen B - So he just whacked it in the bed… but he wasn't watching porn…
--
Me - Dude… that’s even worse! He was just whacking off in bed and groping you without a video?
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Queen B -He's def a sleeping pervert… He was groping me in my sleep…
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Kay - Oh my God! That is too funny!
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Me - What the Fuck is wrong with your husbands!!!
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Queen B - Well at least he wanted to grab me I guess and not a porn slut...
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Kay - Right, at least he was thinking about her while whacking off!
--
Me - Call me an old fashioned girl but... I’d rather give consent before I'm used to get off! If jizz is being unleashed around me I want to know about it!
--
Queen B - Asshole! It's not like he was jerking off & jizzing on me and I woke up in a salty cum haze… Stop making it weird!
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Me – How would u know??? You rolled over and went back to sleep! Anything could have happened!
--
Queen B - apparently he was trying to bang & I was all in a daze.
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Me: so he cupped a feel and blew a load???
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Kay: Were you drunk?
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Queen B - no! I was just really tired I guess. I totally forgot that happened until Kay told us what happened to her but at least the next morning, he told me.
--
Kay - yeah… Unlike my husband who is denying everything.
--
Queen B - Otherwise I would've had no clue… can u imagine???
--
Me: You mean if you woke up the next day and said… "Hey did u get rapey and grab my boob last night before blowing your load whilst I was sleeping???"
And Big J was all... "SHIT NO woman I was sipping tea and writing a letter to my congressmen…"
--
Queen B – Right… I mean at least we talked about it the next day.
--
Me: I guess... But wouldn't it be easier if everyone just agreed to pump the python in private?
--
CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS...
--
Kay - I your opinion.
--
Me: OK. What’s up
--
Kay - I caught my husband looking at porn last night…
--
Me: ok
--
Queen B - HAHA
--
Kay -We were in bed and I was asleep
--
Me: Wait…
--
Queen B: He was looking at it while u where next to him asleep!?!?!?
--
Me: Well, isn't he ballsy
--
Kay - I know right!?!?!?
--
Queen B: So… Was he wacking off too?
--
Kay: I’m pretty sure he was! I was sleeping but then I think I moved and could feel him under the sheets and then I heard him watching something…
--
Queen B - Soooooooo… does he know u caught him?
--
Kay: Not last night. I was too annoyed and tired… So I said something to him a little while ago and of course he's denying it…
--
Me – Like you just imagined him watching porn and spanking it IN THE FUCKING BED!?!?!?
--
Kay - So, this morning I checked his phone and the dumb ass left it in the history! There were 4 different sites! Fucking Idiot!
--
Me - Tonight you should have a dildo going under the sheet when he comes to bed and say… “Oh I thought this was a thing we’re doing now…. Just diddling in the open.”
--
Kay - I'm just in a fragile state of mind since I’m pregnant… and I'm pissed that I was laying right there asleep! Should I say something?
--
Queen B - You should tell him it’s a little awkward to wake up with him rubbing one out next to you and your unborn child in the bed…
--
Kay- So would you tell your husband’s you checked his phone???
--
Me: - I think I would have to tell him to make a mental note to JUST USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM LIKE A CLASSY MOTHER FUCKER next time he feels like buffing the banana !!!!
--
Kay - It’s just weird! Right! Good lord what an ass… Do it in the shower before work! I mean come on!
--
Queen B - What did he do when he came? Did he do it in a sock or something? On the sheets?
--
Kay - I don't think he did… I think I woke up and he realized it and, ooops, he got a softy. So I gave him blue balls.
--
Me – Well, if he is looking at porn and not completing the act, we have a whole other set of problems to deal with because that shit isn't natural…
--
Queen B - So do you guys wanna hear something weird?
--
Me - Seriously? Weirder then Kay catching her husband jerking off in bed???
--
Queen B – Big J has whacked off next to me & felt my boobs while I was sleeping!
--
Me – Wait… What The Fuck!?!?!?
--
Queen B - Apparently, he said he tried to get some but I was out cold… I was all groggy and fell back to sleep…
--
Me – What is going on in the world... Am I the only one NOT having weird shit happen in my sleep!!!!
--
Queen B - So he just whacked it in the bed… but he wasn't watching porn…
--
Me - Dude… that’s even worse! He was just whacking off in bed and groping you without a video?
--
Queen B -He's def a sleeping pervert… He was groping me in my sleep…
--
Kay - Oh my God! That is too funny!
--
Me - What the Fuck is wrong with your husbands!!!
--
Queen B - Well at least he wanted to grab me I guess and not a porn slut...
--
Kay - Right, at least he was thinking about her while whacking off!
--
Me - Call me an old fashioned girl but... I’d rather give consent before I'm used to get off! If jizz is being unleashed around me I want to know about it!
--
Queen B - Asshole! It's not like he was jerking off & jizzing on me and I woke up in a salty cum haze… Stop making it weird!
--
Me – How would u know??? You rolled over and went back to sleep! Anything could have happened!
--
Queen B - apparently he was trying to bang & I was all in a daze.
--
Me: so he cupped a feel and blew a load???
--
Kay: Were you drunk?
--
Queen B - no! I was just really tired I guess. I totally forgot that happened until Kay told us what happened to her but at least the next morning, he told me.
--
Kay - yeah… Unlike my husband who is denying everything.
--
Queen B - Otherwise I would've had no clue… can u imagine???
--
Me: You mean if you woke up the next day and said… "Hey did u get rapey and grab my boob last night before blowing your load whilst I was sleeping???"
And Big J was all... "SHIT NO woman I was sipping tea and writing a letter to my congressmen…"
--
Queen B – Right… I mean at least we talked about it the next day.
--
Me: I guess... But wouldn't it be easier if everyone just agreed to pump the python in private?
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