Wednesday, September 21, 2011


I wish this was a joke but it's not... Every summer since moving into our townhouse we have an invasion of SOMETHING in our backyard...

 This year its Grasshoppers... and weirdly of all the shit that has been in our backyard... the grasshoppers are giving McLovin the willies... I shit you not, a man who has battled it out against praying manti, bees, rabid rabbits and snakes is sort of terrified of grasshoppers.

I repeat....


Just to show I am not joking here are some txts... Side note... we named the first grasshopper Allfie.


Me: I have some bad news... There is now a grasshopper on the front door and one on the back. It's official. We are under surveillance.

McLovin: I told you. it's an invasion!

Me: Allfie is building an army.

McLovin: See! So aggressive.  I will have to try a new approach with them. Mayhap the praying mantis approach.

Me: What's the Praying Mantis approach?

McLovin: Weed Whacker*

Me: You are not weed whacking the grasshoppers! We don't need a bunch of five and a half legged mutants running around launching an attack! You got off lucky with the praying manti.

McLovin: I will win this war like I've won against all of mother nature's minions!!!

Me: You mean like when you propelled the innocent curious george bee into the next world with your flip flop of death?

McLovin: Casualty of war. It's not my fault Mother Nature fights with innocents.

Me: Well to be fair you didn't research the threat level either... I mean a code blue situation was treated as code red... Slight overkill.

McLovin: There was no time for research. The homestead was in danger so I acted.

Me: Yes Dear. You really showed him who was boss. But I really don't think grasshoppers are dangerous. Don't people eat them in some countries? We should be farming these suckers and selling them for profit.

McLovin: YES!!! That's how I will show my dominance... I will eat some in the backyard in front of their army.  "Hell hath no fury" You have been promoted for your contributions.

Me: You know if aliens ever invade I hope they don't take cues from you about how war works.... I will be pissed if I end up abducted and covered in chocolate as an example.

McLovin: They would be right to follow my lead.

Me: Really? So you would counsel them to eat us??? What kind of survivor does that?

McLovin: They wouldn't eat me I'm charming.

Me: I see your point... Well played.

*McLovin was not trying to kill anything with the weed whacker... but when he would mow the lawn (yes it's that small) we noticed the praying manti would all flee in terror from the weed whacker's angry maw. So it was a win win for everyone. Except the one who lost an arm and spent the rest of the summer waving his stump at us from the screen door. THAT was a little unnerving. 

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