BABYSHOWERS

Next week April 24 - 30 is National Infertility Awareness Week... and as a grand finale on April 30th I will be going to a baby shower... Obviously. 

Because that's how I roll.

So in preparation... let's recap my last fun baby shower.

Baby showers are the bane of my existence. (Well, baby showers and people who can eat carrots.) I used to think baby showers were fun. Oh silly silly naive girl that I was. Who wouldn't enjoy mixing and mingling whilst sipping mimosas' and playing stupid  baby games like "guess how big the bump is" and "what's in my mouth?" (baby food addition of course.)

First... I got the invite... which is really awesome since I was trying to get pregnant when I found out they were pregnant. I view the invite as fun friendly little reminder of just how long I have been trying since I am being invited to the baby shower (of a baby who is almost here) while still being an empty shell of a fertility goddess. Basically this women has managed to GROW an entire human being in the amount of time that I have grown... an empty void.

Second... to buy the gift. Since I am trying to avoid all things baby I decided to skip babies-r-us... I feel that it would be just too much to go in that store while being fertilely challenged. Instead I opted for Target... I quickly got a few things off the "wish list" and got out with only running into a few pregnant women cooing over the teeny tiny baby clothes. I thought of just going the gift card route but I feel that would have been a cop out and it's not her fault I am at war with Mother Nature.

Third... On the day of the baby shower I wake up and realize... YAY... I just got my period. Naturally the Karma Police have joined Mother Nature in this war against me. Make a mental note to somehow pay Mother Nature and the Karma Police back.

Fourth... Try to pull myself together and give myself a pep talk while driving to baby shower were I will know only the mother-to-be and no one else. I feel that this will drastically cut down the chances for awkward conversations about the black hole. (fun new name for my uterus since it decided to get its period that day.) 

Fifth... Walk into baby shower... Hug Mother-to-be while avoiding looking directly at the baby bump. They have mimosas' (naturally) and I have a brief minute of self debate (alcohol hurts your chances of conceiving... fuck it I'm on my period.) Poor myself a large mimosa and try to blend into the background and wait this thing out until the presents are over and I can scoot.

Sixth... plan goes horribly awry....  

I get introduced the Mother-to-be's out of town family. Not so bad... until they start with the questions.

Q. Are you Married...            
A. yes...

Q. Do you have any children?           
A. No....

Q. How long have you been married? ...
A. About 5 years....    

Q. Oh well, don't you think it will be time to have children soon?...            
A. maybe.... We're just enjoying our time together.

Q. Well don't you want children?      
A. Sure one day....

Q. I bet your parents would love to be grandparents...         
A. Probably. My Mom would be thrilled....

Q. So, if you don't mind my asking, what's stopping you from having children?....            
A. You know what? I think I need another drink... Do you need anything?

And... as if that wasn't bad enough I went right from the interrogation brigade to the Mommy and me play area... where ALL  the Mom's were laughing and playing with their adorable little babies... "Oh how long has Tyler been walking?" "Walter just started on regular food." "You're so lucky Madison won't sleep through the night." "Mine is due the week after Courtney"...

Needless to say I left after the shower presents and skipped the co-ed BBQ. My head was pounding, I felt empty and I just wanted to go home assume the fetal position and wave my white flag.

I am hoping This Baby Shower next week will go better. I will know both the Mother-To-Be and one other person. So that's a plus. AND as a bonus this other person actually knows about the struggles with infertility I have been having. Double plus.

Unfortunately, I feel that the actual magnitude of the struggle of infertility is completely bypassing my friend since she asked me to help her plan and organize the baby shower games.... Epic fail.

Sooooooooo I feel that I have a 50 - 50 chance of leaving with my sanity.