Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Someone needs to have a conversation with trees and safe sex. I don't know what it is, but around this time of year, trees spew pollen everywhere with no regard to where it is going. And do you know what pollen is???

It's tree sperm.

Every time I go outside I see my car absolutely COVERED in tree sperm. It's gross and I don't like it.

Enough is enough.

And the worst part is, I am allergic to tree sperm. It makes my eyes water and my throat itch and my nose clog up.  

Plus,  I really don't appreciate a tree trying to fertilize my eye hole. How am I supposed to explain to McLovin that I got chlamydia in my eye from the oak tree around the corner?

So here is a warning, listen up trees... there is an epidemic of tree sperm STDs going around.  The next tree that pollinates in my direction is going down! I have a chainsaw and I am not afraid to use it.

Who's with me?