Wednesday, June 1, 2011

PUMAS


Sorry the last post was a downer. Hopefully my vengeful puma will make up for it. And no this is not a new name for my va-jay-jay. Pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter. geez.

I consider myself to be an emotionally strong person. Or maybe emotionally stunted, either way... I hate crying... I especially hate crying in front of someone. I feel like it makes me look a hot mess and also weak. One thing that gets drilled into you with a German-American upbringing is not to show weakness. weakness = death

Luckily I have a husband who knows this about me. Plus he is also German-American... I'm not sure how that happened... perhaps emotionally stunted people are attracted to each other?

At first it was no big deal... Plenty of people take a few months to get pregnant and I was still under the delusion that getting pregnant is easy.... But as the months rolled by my carefully constructed fortress of Zen collapsed like a house of cards.

The first time I broke down in front of McLovin I think he was stunned... I could see the confused emotions on his face. It was like a deer in the headlights of a Humvee going 160 MPH downhill on an icy road.

Obviously another month has gone down in flames... I told my McLovin and carefully avoided making eye contact. I then immediately left for work so I wouldn't have to be in the same room with him. I prefer breaking the news through email or texting. Delivering bad news is so much easier when there are miles separating informer from the informant.

An  hour later I got a text from McLovin.

McLovin: Just got to work... Leaving today around 3. So cranky right now. How are you feeling?

Me: OK, glad you made it to work. Hopefully you aren't cranky all day.

McLovin: Cranky is good for creativity... Just added to my "go suck a cat dick" and it made me happy.

Me: What does it mean that you added to your "go suck a cat dick"??? I feel like I should call the cops or possibly animal control on you.

McLovin: I was mentally telling peeps to "go suck a cat dick"... then I changed it to "Go suck a large jungle cats dick... possibly a Puma"

Me: Nice... Pumas are known to have enormous cat dicks... good choice.

McLovin: And they are loner cats... and angry. Try that shit on an angry loner cat and watch what happens.

Me: Well after it finishes skull fucking you it will probably rip your face off with its claws of destruction.

McLovin: Exactly my point.

Mission accomplished... I was now smiling and thinking of who I would set this Puma on... Don't tell PETA. We don't need another "Gus" incident...

3 comments:

  1. BAHAHAHAHAHAH.

    Yet another good post, thanks for the laugh!

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  2. I am literally bent over laughing so hard. I have had a "go suck a cat dick" day as well. Coincidentally I am also a creative. Thanks to you and your McLovin for cheering me up!

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  3. OMG- great post! I had to read this to my husband. You and your hubs have the sick twisted sense of humor we have!

    PS My pregnancy test that I took this morning can go suck a giant jungle cat dick!

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