INFERTILE OR SUPERHERO???

I have decided that being infertile is sort of like being a superhero... Really. I'm not kidding.

Let's look at the facts.

1. Remaining anonymous is very important.

Superheroes don't go walking down the street announcing to the world that they have super powers. If they did that, they would never be able to live a normal life.

If your cat got stuck at the top of a tree would you call the fire department? Hell no! You would walk next door and tell Superman to fly his butt up the tree to save the day. (And if he could update his wardrobe that would be great... The red banana-hammock look is so over.)  

Well, just like a superhero, I don't go walking down the street shouting that I'm infertile. I mean babies? Who wants a baby? They smell funny and would totally cramp my lifestyle. Publicly I am totally fine with my non-baby status.

2. Superheroes have Super Powers...

Some superheroes can fly, others have telepathic abilities, and some have kick-ass equipment. I mean seriously, if Batman can buy his way into the superhero world with a fast car and some high-tech gadgets, then my screwed up reproductive system is a free pass. Also, Batman, that fancy car... we know your compensating... size doesn't matter... really... Stop stuffing your jock-strap and go get bit by a radioactive spider.

My super power? I am impervious to sperm. Tons of women out there are paying good money to be on the pill, for what my body does naturally. Plan B? No thanks... my girly bits have me covered. I think of my ovaries as man hating feminists. Every time McLovin and I have sexy time my ovaries are secretly having a bra-burning party in my fallopian tubes.

Or maybe it's more devious than that. Maybe all of McLovin's spermies are really evil spawn. My superheroing abilities are so fine tuned that I kill super-villains before they are even born. Suck-it Dr. Doom... I'll wipe out your entire family if you wanna tango with my poo-nanny.

3. Have at least one Supervillian... a team of villains is better.

The X Men are a team of Superheroes lead by Professor Xavier and they have an archenemy Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants. obviously much war and mayhem is made by all. And of course the day is always won by a collective group of Superheroes. Wouldn't it be awesome if fertility worked the same way?

I have an archenemy too... Her name is Mother Nature and she is a real bitch. Mother Nature also has a posse of cronies, hell bent on thwarting my pregnancy attempts. She's big pimping and likes to roll deep with the Karma Police, Aunt Flow, her little dog spot, and of course Dr. Killjoy. I am hoping that good will prevail and I will be able to win the war, even if I seem to be losing all of the battles.

4. Have an alter ego...

Every good superhero has an alter ego. Bruce Wayne was Batman, Clark Kent was Superman, and I am Lucky Z.

No I am not going to tell you my real name. That would defeat the point of having an alter ego.

Besides, I like being Lucky Z...

Lucky Z can talk about her infertility.

She doesn't have to pretend that she isn't ready for a baby yet.

She can wear her panties on the outside of her pants. 
(I'm pretty sure there is a clause in the Superhero handbook about wearing your underwear outside your pants...)

And I have Luck in my name...
I am hoping the new name rubs off on my uterus. Do you hear that little uterus... you are lucky... so implant already... I promise not to hold a grudge about the past 14 months... Let's do this! 

5. Have a mission... To Get Knocked Up.

This obviously isn't going so well. But, having a mission gives me a goal and one of these days it's going to be fulfilled. Cause that's what superheroes do... We get shit done!